I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
