You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
