i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
