im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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