He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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