my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
