Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
