I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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