i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
