Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
