The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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