I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Randomize
