I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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