A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We left an ass print on the piano.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
