Apparently you make a good broom.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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