somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
