The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
