Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
