how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
