this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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