How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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