i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
