Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
