Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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