Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
