Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
