I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
