I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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