Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
