Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
DRUNK COOKIES
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