Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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