glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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