May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
