people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
