We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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