You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
