a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
