I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
