One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
