I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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