I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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