yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
