What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
