I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
