I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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