she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
