When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
