Please, let me fuck your mom
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
