My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
