i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
