well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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