Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
