My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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